Chapter 3: If You Can't Beat Them, Join Them

Diwu Ba wasn't just talking big about hitting people — he cursed furiously as he got up, grabbed the fire tongs beside him, and went straight for Diwu Lun.

Diwu Lun was only a little too slow to run, and took two hits from the fire tongs on his legs — the pain was something else.

He beat a hasty, bedraggled retreat — when the beating's light, you take it; when it's heavy, you run.

Fortunately, the kitchen was crowded, and everyone from the cooks to the senior slaves, anyone with the slightest family connection, came over to stop him.

"Old master, you mustn't hit him!"

"If you injure the young master, who will carry on the Diwu clan's ancestral rites?"

"Exactly — this little brat is deliberately trying to anger me to death so he can inherit the family property!"

Diwu Ba was truly furious and roared, "To actually give away the Imperial Academy place I went to such pains to secure — if this vast family estate falls into his hands, it'll be squandered in no time. Better to beat him to death now and be done with it. I have plenty of cousins and nephews! You think I'm afraid of having no one to bury me?"

But even as he said this, once people held him back, that surge of rage subsided considerably.

Right — both his sons and one grandson had all died in that great plague years ago, leaving Diwu Lun as his sole remaining shoot. If he really beat the boy senseless, wouldn't that just benefit those close kinsmen he couldn't even stand the sight of? Besides, Diwu Ba had always doted on his grandson; once the boy was bruised and battered, he'd feel the heartache afterward too.

In the end, Diwu Ba did not utter harsh words like "expel him from the Diwu clan." He just hurled the iron tongs fiercely in the direction Diwu Lun had fled, then sat down on the edge of the well, panting.

Only then did Diwu Lun cautiously circle back. The old man had a fiery temper — when he was enraged, nothing you said mattered — but once he cooled down, you could still talk to him.

He offered the fire tongs with both hands: "Grandfather, hear your grandson's explanation. If you're still angry after listening, it won't be too late to beat me then."

"I'm not listening!"

With a splash, Diwu Ba flung the fire tongs straight into the well. He turned his face away, not wanting to speak to his grandson at first, but then the thought made him angry all over again. He spun around, pointed at Diwu Lun, and scolded, "No wonder you haven't so much as opened a bamboo scroll this past half-month, pestering me every day to teach you hand-to-hand combat, or else going into the county town to befriend merchants from east of the passes and wandering bravos — idling away your time instead of proper pursuits. So your mind had long since strayed from the classics!"

"Yes." Diwu Lun bowed to Diwu Ba. "Your grandson believes that studying the Five Classics is of no great use."

The old man froze, his eyes filled with complicated emotions. He sighed, patted the edge of the well, and told Diwu Lun to come sit beside him. With earnest gravity, he said:

"Lun, my boy — over fifty years ago, when I was your age, I too thought book-learning was useless. I fell in with my companions and became a rowdy young bravo, mocking those pedantic Confucians, pulling off their tall caps to use as chamber pots."

"Later, the Governor of the Capital put out a warrant for my arrest, and I had no choice but to flee to the frontier and become a soldier. I dreamed of following in the footsteps of Fu Jiezi and Zheng Ji, winning a noble title through military merit and returning home in silken robes — wouldn't that have been glorious?"

Diwu Lun nodded. The war his grandfather had fought in was none other than the Western Han's final campaign against the Xiongnu. Diwu Ba, as a common foot soldier, had followed Chen Tang and Gan Yanshou on their expedition far into Kangju, where they slew Zhizhi Chanyu and left behind those proud words: "Those who dare offend the mighty Han, though they dwell at the ends of the earth, shall be put to death!"

Diwu Ba's eyes brimmed with nostalgia for those towering days: "Fighting alongside the Righteous Cheng Marquis and Colonel Chen was pure exhilaration! We crossed snowy mountains and vast deserts, trampled the kingdom of Kangju, sacked their five-walled city, seized the Marquis of Xi's banners, cut off Zhizhi's head, and hung our banners ten thousand li from home! Every walled city in the Western Regions trembled in fear. The Hu women lined up to sleep with us, and every man got his share of coin, silk, and exotic treasures."

His gaze dimmed. "But do you know what awaited us when we returned home?"

Diwu Lun shook his head — he didn't know what had happened after that.

Diwu Ba continued bitterly, "No crowds lining the roads to welcome us, much less noble titles and rewards. The moment the army entered the Jade Gate Pass, the Colonel-Director of Retainers issued a dispatch declaring that Colonel Chen had acted without imperial authority and should be arrested. He also ordered the officials along the route to inspect and confiscate all the valuables we'd seized from the Xiongnu and Kangju! There must have been Xiongnu spies in the court, trying to investigate us thoroughly to avenge Zhizhi Chanyu!"

"Colonel Chen submitted a memorial to clear his name, and only then did Emperor Yuan order the court to receive the returning army. But after we reached Chang'an, the rewards were endlessly delayed. Colonels Gan and Chen only received their noble titles years later, and ordinary soldiers like us got practically nothing!"

In Diwu Ba's view, this was all because of treacherous ministers in the court! Anti-war civil officials and Confucian scholars had obstructed things from within — Chancellor Kuang Heng and the inner-court eunuch Shi Xian colluded to block the rewards, and later even stripped Chen Tang of his post. Colonel Chen may have been a bit greedy and lecherous, but those flaws didn't obscure his merits — was it really necessary to hound him over minor faults?

With no rewards forthcoming, the soldiers who had fought in that campaign could only slink back to their hometowns in disgrace — only to find that some petty Confucian scholar they'd once mocked in the village had since risen to prominence in the capital, exempt from corvée labor, with a brilliant future ahead. Meanwhile, they themselves had risked life and limb for the Great Han in foreign lands, returning with bodies full of wounds and ailments, and had gained nothing at all.

Why? How was that fair?

After that, Diwu Ba never managed to make a name for himself. He served as a Precinct Chief and a Township Patrol Officer, cracking many cases. But no matter how outstanding his performance, every time it was his turn for promotion, the county Merit Evaluator would always ask the same question: "Are you versed in the classics?"

Diwu Ba, of course, was not. Never mind the Five Classics — he hadn't even studied the Classic of Filial Piety or the Analects. In his youth, he'd been too busy brawling and showing off his prowess. Follow the example of Yu Dingguo, who had served as Chancellor under the late Emperors Xuan and Yuan and taught himself the classics halfway through life? He had neither the perseverance nor the talent for that.

In truth, he had tried sitting in on classes at the county's elementary school, but those masters just wagged their heads and droned on, repeating the same few lines over and over — they never taught the art of governance either. Yet how was it that military clerks like him had no hope of advancement, doomed to spend their lives in petty minor posts, while Confucian scholars who'd merely been gilded by a stint at the Imperial Academy could, after passing the examination, become Palace Gentlemen or Grand Masters straight away, and then rise to high offices drawing two-thousand-dan salaries? Even the township Bailiff now decided cases not by the statutes, but by consulting Confucian scholars, practicing that nonsense called "adjudicating by the Spring and Autumn Annals."

And so his promotions came to nothing. Diwu Ba frittered away his whole life and retired from his post as Township Patrol Officer. Meanwhile, colleagues whose abilities and seniority were inferior to his own, but who had studied the Confucian classics and thus met the higher-ups' requirements, rose steadily through the ranks.

Why? How was that fair?

It didn't matter if he couldn't figure it out — the old man had finally seen clearly the great trend of the Han selecting officials through the Confucian classics. Civil or military, mastering a classic was the prerequisite for high office and great wealth.

So, determined that his descendants would not suffer the same disadvantages he had, Diwu Ba poured every effort into his grandson's education. At seven or eight, he sent Diwu Lun to the county's "elementary school," and also hired Confucian scholars to tutor him at home. At last, he had cultivated a talent capable of passing the Imperial Academy's entrance exam.

And this Xin Dynasty valued the classics even more than the Han had. The Imperial Academy had expanded its enrollment to ten thousand students, and the status of Confucian scholars had been elevated to unprecedented heights — no surprise, since the Emperor, Wang Mang, was himself a scholar.

Given the way things were going, the family's sons should continue to delve deeply into the Five Classics. This might be the only path for the Diwu clan to transform itself and rise like a phoenix from the ashes.

He had never imagined that his grandson would be just as foolish as he himself had been at that age. How could Diwu Ba not be furious?

"If you can't beat them, join them?"

Diwu Lun actually approved of his grandfather's approach of adapting to the tide of the times. Thirty years earlier, it would have been perfectly sound; twenty years later, it would have been unobjectionable too.

But to run headlong into it precisely during the short-lived Xin dynasty of Wang Mang — that was walking down the wrong path. Though he didn't know the details of this period of history, he knew that after the Xin came the Eastern Han — a dynastic change. The realm would surely be plunged into chaos, with the people unable to make a living. It couldn't possibly be a peaceful abdication like Wang Mang's every time.

Because Diwu Lun had lately shown great interest in marching and warfare, Diwu Ba assumed he had ambitions for a military career. He lowered his voice and advised his grandson, "Joining the army to win merit, the way I did back then — that road is blocked too. Right now, the Emperor may be picking fights on all sides, not just attacking the Xiongnu, but also the Western Qiang, the Western Regions, the Southwestern Yi, and even that place called Goguryeo..."

"Lower Guryeo," Diwu Lun said with a laugh. "I've heard that the Emperor has already issued an edict changing Goguryeo to that name."

Antonyms again — that was so very Wang Mang.

In short, the Xin Dynasty had been established barely ten years, yet it had fallen out with every tributary state like a madman, dispatching troops in all directions. Though "victory reports" came frequently from the front, if you listened to the tearful accounts of men who had returned injured from service against the Xiongnu in the north or the Southwestern Yi in the south, hundreds of thousands of troops were tied down at the frontiers, suffering heavy losses, and the wars seemed to have bogged down into stalemates.

This was exactly what worried Diwu Ba: "These past few years, the court's levies have grown heavier and heavier, and corvée labor has been apportioned down to every clan. My Diwu clan sent three men last year, and this year they're demanding six! Are they planning to conscript even more troops?"

"The forces sent to quell the rebellion in the Western Regions the year before last — they claimed a great victory, and even enfeoffed the commanding general as a viscount and another as a baron. But the men my Diwu clan had conscripted for that campaign never came back. They may well be dead out there. There are also rumors that the Protector-General of the Western Regions has been killed by the Hu people of the Western Regions, that the relief army was routed by a coalition of the walled cities, and that the remnants are trapped in Kucha, cut off from all contact with the court."

Having spent a few years striving in the Western Regions himself, Diwu Ba still cared deeply about that place. He could only sigh and say, "The present Emperor and Colonel Chen Tang were friends despite the difference in years, and he was much praised by Colonel Chen. Indeed, his treatment of the Rong, Di, and other barbarians is just as Colonel Chen said — 'though they dwell at the ends of the earth, they shall be put to death.' But how have the wars turned out like this, utterly lacking the awe-inspiring might we had back then, when one Han soldier could match five Hu?"

Speaking blunt truths without thinking — the Xin armies really were quite inept, and their win rate in these foreign wars was pitifully low. So taking the military-officer path at a time like this wasn't good either; you could easily throw your life away without meaning to.

Diwu Lun cut his grandfather off: "Grandfather, the reason I am unwilling to enter the Imperial Academy to study the Five Classics is that pursuing office through scholarship is only possible in times of peace."

"But if we encounter an age of chaos, then all those abstruse Five Classics, when faced with sharp blades, will likely be of no use whatsoever!"

"An age of chaos?" Diwu Ba started, staring at Diwu Lun. "What are you trying to say?"

These words could not be carelessly divulged. He led his grandfather outside the southern wall of the fortified manor, where they stood by the vegetable plots and gazed out at the twilight world. Diwu Lun then laid out his judgment.

"Grandfather, I believe this realm is likely on the verge of chaos!"

"You whelp — what nonsense are you spouting!"

Hearing this, Diwu Ba was badly startled. Though he had seen the wider world in the Western Regions in his youth, at his core he was still just a small landholder, his vision confined to the Guanzhong region, even to the tiny bounds of Changling County in Liewei Commandery. He lacked sensitivity to the subtle shifts in the outside world.

In Diwu Ba's view, while the Xin armies were indeed losing battle after humiliating battle against the barbarians on all four frontiers, those matters were far too remote. The interior of the country was still relatively stable; life had not yet become so unbearable that people would rise up in revolt.

But Diwu Lun was different. Precisely because he didn't know the historical details of this era, he was all the more diligent in gathering intelligence. These past days, he had been going into the county town at every opportunity, and had even sent men to the capital and to Hedong to make inquiries. The information he had gathered filled him with deep worry.

"Last year, east of the passes, drought and floods struck without pattern. In the southeast, in Yang Province, a man named Gua Tianyi rose up as a bandit. There are rumors that half of Kuaiji Commandery has fallen into chaos."

"And in the east, in Xuzhou, there's a woman called Mother Lü — because the County Magistrate wrongfully killed her son, she gathered several hundred poor youths, stormed the county seat, and killed the County Magistrate. She operates exclusively along the coast, and they say she's already rallied over ten thousand followers."

"And then there's what happened this summer and autumn. Jingzhou has suffered drought year after year; the common people are starving and destitute, so they've turned to banditry, gathering at Greenwood Mountain. Their numbers keep growing…"

The phrase "Greenwood heroes" — Diwu Lun had heard it in his previous life. In the future, they would likely become a major power.

These were the only ones he had managed to learn of so far, but the unrest the court was concealing was surely far greater. They all looked like scattered sparks now — but in a few years, would those sparks set the whole plain ablaze?

After all, the Xin Dynasty's reforms were riddled with absurdities, and every social class was seething with grievances. Meanwhile, Wang Mang was waging war on every border. Even Diwu Lun, who knew little history, could see that the Xin now faced troubles within and without — as precarious as a pile of eggs.

"Nothing but a handful of bandits and roving thieves. Lun, you clearly haven't seen the wider world. Petty brigands like these — which dynasty, which year hasn't had them?"

Diwu Ba dismissed the rebel armies east of the passes as nothing, which left Diwu Lun utterly speechless. Wait — could Wang Mang and the men in power at court share the same mindset?

Thinking it over, he felt relieved. Unless someone knew, as he did, that the Xin Dynasty would swiftly collapse, no normal person could easily believe that this still-tranquil world would suddenly crumble within just a few short years.

Diwu Ba still could not quite accept Diwu Lun's alarmist talk, so he dropped the subject and turned to the heart of the matter.

"Lun, even if you don't want to enter the Imperial Academy, then just don't go. Why give the slot to the Diba clan? Isn't that just doing them a favor?"

Diwu Lun was about to explain his reasoning when a clamor rose in the distance. Grandfather and grandson saw a troop of riders approaching the fortified compound's south gate along the main road from the west. The gate guard came to report: "Head of the family, the Diba clan chief and his son Diba Jiao have come to call!"

Diwu Ba looked surprised. "Aren't the Diba clan at odds with our house? Why would that old man come calling today?"

"Of course they had to come."

Diwu Lun, however, was not at all surprised. He knew that word of his yielding the slot at the official academy had reached the Diba clan.

"Only, they've come a few ke quicker than I expected!"

……

Meanwhile, in the county seat, County Magistrate Xianyu Bao had already prepared a night banquet to entertain the two physicians from the capital, Huan Tan and Liu Gong.

At that moment, Liu Gong recalled the afternoon's events. He turned and asked Huan Tan, who was absently picking fish bones from his portion.

"Junshan."

"What do you think — when that Diwu Lun yielded his Imperial Academy slot to his clan brother today, was it genuine humility and fraternal deference? Or was he merely seeking fame and profit?"