Chapter 50: Only Regret: Not Born a Man

"Have you not seen how the horse-racing river runs past the snowy sea's edge, the flat sands vast and boundless, yellow dust rising to the sky? In Luntai, the ninth-month wind howls through the night, and boulders the size of peck measures fill the riverbed, tumbling wildly across the ground with the wind."

Zhang Zhao rode atop a two-humped camel, his face covered by a fine gauze scarf produced in the Jiangnan East Circuit, and with high spirits he loudly chanted the verses.

"Fine poem! Fine poem! Young Lord Zhang Erlang, what literary brilliance!" Ma Yaozi, on the camel ahead, loudly flattered him, while Dunzhu, carrying Zhang Zhao's short lance, followed behind with an adoring expression.

"I truly despise you! That's Cen Jiazhou's poem!" Vice-Captain Yan, who was rubbing his hengdao saber as he walked, looked contemptuously at the bootlicking Ma Yaozi.

"Even I, who was a slave to the Tibetans, recited it up on the Qilian Mountains — and you don't even know it."

"You dead dog-slave, always running your mouth!" Amid the laughter all around, Ma Yaozi, unable to save face, spat viciously at Vice-Captain Yan.

Cao Shisi was rather downcast. He had never traveled far from home, and now, without even bidding his parents farewell, he had rashly followed Zhang Zhao westward.

The hardships of the journey far exceeded his imagination, and had he not cared about saving face, Cao Shisi would have been tempted to turn back right then.

"Young Lord Erlang, since my grandfather thinks so highly of you, why go west at all? Why not just stay in Dunhuang? We still have two or three hundred thousand people — restoring the Great Tang would be far easier from here than going to the Western Regions!"

Cao Yanming now called Zhang Zhao "Young Lord Erlang" just like everyone else. He very much wanted to be Zhang Zhao's brother-in-law rather than his cousin-nephew.

"Dunhuang?" Zhang Zhao shook his head. "Dunhuang is a fine place! Had I come twenty years earlier, staying in Dunhuang would indeed have been better. But now, Dunhuang has become a dead end.

More than twenty years ago, when the Great Tang still stood, they still dreamed of building up strength to break through Ganzhou and Liangzhou and return to the Great Tang. But now, the great clans of Dunhuang think only of preserving their own wealth and rank. If I stayed in Dunhuang, the most I could become is someone like Luo Tongda."

Come twenty years earlier?

Not only Cao Yanming — everyone nearby looked puzzled. But they did not dwell on it; after all, Young Lord Zhang Erlang often came out with strange words and phrases, and they had long grown accustomed to it.

They assumed Zhang Zhao meant he had been born too late, but what Zhang Zhao actually meant was: had he come twenty years earlier, he would have transmigrated directly into Zhang Chengfeng, the White-Clad Son of Heaven, and could have started from Dunhuang.

Seeing Cao Yanming nod with a half-understanding look, Zhang Zhao decided to teach him another lesson.

"Fourteenth Young Master, do you know your great-grandfather well?"

Cao Yanming was a little baffled, and nodded hesitantly.

"Fairly well, I suppose. My great-grandfather is only strict with his own family. Everyone else, from the Military Governor down through the officials and common folk, says my great-grandfather is a good man!"

"A good man!" Zhang Zhao rubbed his chin. "You could say that. I'll grant for now that your great-grandfather is a good man. But you should know that besides being a good man, your great-grandfather is also a ruthless man!

If I don't go to Khotan and just keep hanging around under his nose day after day, I'm telling you — within ten days to half a month at most, your great-grandfather will have me hacked to death!

Remember this: if you want to accomplish great things, never constantly expose your weaknesses before others, because you are endlessly testing their self-restraint and bottom line. The day they can't resist the temptation, you're dead.

Your great-grandfather treats me well today because he and I share common aspirations and common worries. But tomorrow, he may just as easily choose to strike me down because of the threat I pose to the Cao family."

"Cough! Cough! Cough!" By the Sweet Spring waters, Cao Yijin, supported by Lady Cao Sanniang, coughed violently.

Lady Cao Sanniang gently patted his back with one hand while pouring warm wine from a leather flask into an amber cup and handing it to Cao Yijin.

"Grandfather, why are you traveling in such haste? You are unwell — perhaps we should slow down."

"Slow down!" Cao Yijin snorted, rubbing his chest several times before his breathing eased.

"I fear that if I go too slowly, I won't be able to resist ordering someone to sink Zhang Erlang into Crescent Spring."

"Ah!" Though Lady Cao Sanniang was no innocent like Cao Yanming, she still had not expected Cao Yijin to harbor murderous intent, and was badly startled.

"This Zhang Erlang will surely become a great scourge to the Cao family in the future. It's entirely possible the Cao family's future prosperity will be destroyed at his hands! No — this old man must add another safeguard!"

Cao Yijin's face was now extremely grim; it was clear that his talk of killing Zhang Zhao was no joke.

"But Grandfather, since you believe Zhang Erlang will surely become a great scourge to the Cao family, why did you help him today?

And in your granddaughter's view, Zhang Erlang does not seem like an ungrateful, faithless man. You have done him such a great kindness today — would he really destroy our Cao family's prosperity?" Lady Cao Sanniang was thoroughly puzzled.

"I showed him kindness today because I discovered that this Zhang Erlang shares the same aspirations as I do.

This man understands me! He knows what I seek, and he knows what troubles my heart! A pity! If only he were my son — even a grandson would do! Then I could entrust the Cao family to him!"

As he spoke, a flush spread across Cao Yijin's face, and his mood grew even more unsettled.

"Zhang Erlang is likely not an ungrateful, faithless man. But your eldest uncle, your second uncle, and even your father are not the sort who can see reality clearly! It is hard! So hard!"

Cao Yijin said "hard" twice in succession. If he did not support Zhang Zhao, he felt that if no such figure emerged in Hexi, the region would sooner or later fall to the barbarians.

But if he did support him, he feared that if Zhang Zhao truly succeeded, the Cao family's descendants would fail to read the situation and end up being dealt with by Zhang Zhao.

Surely not! Lady Cao Sanniang thought it over. Her eldest uncle was stingy, her second uncle greedy, and her own father slow in everything he did — but surely the three of them couldn't all be blind to the situation?

"Grandfather, do not worry. Now that you have agreed to the marriage between Zhang Erlang and Nineteenth Sister, he is both your cousin-nephew and your granddaughter's husband. Er..."

At this point Lady Cao Sanniang nearly burst out laughing. Although there was no blood relation between Zhang Erlang and her grandfather, and he and Nineteenth Sister were ordinary cousins,

the idea of a cousin-nephew becoming a granddaughter's husband sounded ridiculous no matter how one put it.

After steadying her emotions a little, Lady Cao Sanniang continued her persuasion.

"If handled properly, a granddaughter's husband is not so different from a grandson. Back then, did not the Supreme Pillar of State treat you as his own son?

And after the Suo family stirred up such a great storm, did you not still protect Uncle Suo and secure him the high post of Left Commander of Cavalry and Infantry Escorts?"

The Uncle Suo whom Lady Cao Sanniang referred to was named Suo Chengxun, son of Suo Xun, the fourth Military Governor of the Guiyi Army.

As for Suo Xun — this son-in-law of Zhang Yichao was not a man of good character. It was he who opened the Pandora's box of internecine slaughter within the Guiyi Army, setting the first precedent of an outsider clan usurping the Zhang family's power.

Of course, in the end he was killed by his own sister-in-law — Zhang Yichao's fourteenth daughter, Lady Zhang Shisi, who had been married to another great Guiyi Army general, Li Mingzhen — together with her sons.

So the fact that Suo Chengxun, as Suo Xun's son, was not implicated and even rose steadily through the ranks was indeed the result of Cao Yijin's strenuous protection.

After two more mouthfuls of warm wine, Cao Yijin, who had rested for half the day, looked much better. He turned to look at Sanniang beside him.

"My granddaughter Yannai speaks wisely!"

Lady Cao Sanniang suddenly felt something was wrong, because the last time Cao Yijin had addressed her so affectionately was when she was about to be married off to the Murong family.

Sure enough, Cao Yijin's next sentence went exactly in the direction Lady Cao Sanniang had imagined.

"But Nineteenth Sister is only twelve this year. She has studied the zither, chess, calligraphy, and painting quite well, but she is still lacking up here. Relying on her alone, I fear she cannot protect the Cao family."

Cao Yijin pointed at his head, then looked gravely at Lady Cao Sanniang.

"I can see that Zhang Erlang has a rather good impression of you. Had my granddaughter Yannai not been married into the Murong family, she would have been the most suitable bride. But as things stand now, I may have to wrong you in the future."

Lady Cao Sanniang suddenly felt utterly miserable, and tears rolled down at once. This was how she had been married off to the Murong family back then — and what was this now?

Even though she too thought Zhang Zhao was not bad, Lady Cao Sanniang absolutely did not want to accept such an arrangement. Yet she lacked the courage to resist, and could only hum faintly, like a mosquito.

"Grandfather will never agree! I already belong to the Murong family!"

"He will agree. The Murong family may seem to be standing toe-to-toe with our Cao family, but in truth their future is even more precarious.

Because as long as I, Cao Yijin, and your two uncles and your father are here — slow-witted and small-minded as they may be — we can still hold things together.

But the Murong family — apart from that ill-fated husband of yours, Murong Changdao, to call the rest of them mediocre would be flattering them. If the Murong family wants to hold on to power, they have very little room to choose!"

Having said this, Cao Yijin reached out and wiped the tears from the corners of Cao Sanniang's eyes.

"Yannai, my granddaughter, don't cry. Zhang Erlang is not a heartless man. You are not yet thirty; the days ahead are still long. If you do not follow Zhang Erlang, then with your status, you would have no choice but to spend the rest of your life with green lamps and ancient Buddha."

"Grandfather is so tired! Help share Grandfather's burden. It is only a pity that you were not born a man!"

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