Chapter 506: Random Notes (I)

Random Notes (I)

Essentially, these are some trivial, scattered notes; they are the ramblings of someone who no longer posts on social media. Those who want to peek into the author's life can take a look; those who don't like it can skip it.

Heh.

……

……

【2024.01.22 02:30 AM】

I suddenly find myself unable to recall my father's appearance.

It has been exactly twenty years since he left.

I have gone from an ignorant four-year-old child to a young man of twenty-four, soon to be twenty-five.

I cannot even remember a single sentence he ever said to me.

I only remember some blurry fragments.

In the end, I learned about the world through the internet, and even learned how to interact with people from web novels.

Strange, isn't it?

It was a solution born of necessity; after all, no one was there to teach me.

But I do still remember him once taking me downstairs, leaning on a pair of crutches to walk a few hundred meters to buy ice cream.

I can't really call it that.

On the hospital bed, a gaunt, emaciated adult man, tormented by the agony of leukemia.

Come to think of it, it was only a while ago that I realized the first corpse I ever saw in my life was my own biological father.

I couldn't even comprehend the meaning of death; I didn't understand why the adults took me to the hospital, why he was lying on the bed without moving, or why Mother was grieving and sobbing.

I actually learned a lot of knowledge from web novels.

I am also quite fortunate that the web novels I read back then had relatively normal values, which didn't lead me down a crooked path.

I just felt afraid.

Do I miss him?

Back then, I was too young; I can't clearly remember what that feeling was like.

The only ones I have.

I still remember the last time I saw him.

In the days that followed, there was no one who could truly be called a father to teach me how to become a real man.

He was very weak; sometimes he couldn't even hold me.

But fortunately, there was the internet.

Wasted away to skin and bones, looking so haggard he hardly resembled a human.

There is a very faint scar on my face, left from when he couldn't hold me and accidentally dropped me onto a nail.

This is the only memory I can recall that relates to Fatherly Love.

I have never been very interested in the school of extreme egoism, so I have basically never delved into it, which is also a stroke of luck.

It's just that at certain special moments, like when I scroll past certain videos, I still can't help but imagine.

If he were still here back then, what would everything have turned into?

Who knows?

Also, I saw a sentence recently.

"Emotional stability might just be because one has already grown accustomed to misfortune."

To be honest, I felt a bit Broken Defense.

As expected, lies don't hurt people; the truth is the sharp blade.

I have always prided myself on my emotional stability, but it seems that is truly how it came to be.

When I encounter trouble, my first thought is:

"Ah, this kind of thing again, sigh."

"Anyway, panic is useless, so let me see, how miserable can I get today?"

Twenty years; I have truly walked a very, very long road to get to where I am today.

It sounds a bit sentimental, but actually, everything is fine.

Things in life often go against one's wishes eight or nine times out of ten.

Everything must still look forward.

Let's set off.

Take big strides forward.

No matter which direction I walk, it is walking forward.

I cannot stop my footsteps here yet.

……

……

【2024.01.23 00:30 AM】

There is only one kind of heroism in the world: to see life as it truly is and still love it.

I have also traveled to a few places and seen some different scenery.

It is only when writing in the dead of night that I think so much.

As long as I am not writing, I have energy for anything else.

Just like doing homework when I was in school.

Hmm, more or less.

It can also be considered a kind of late-night emo.

I don't post on Moments now, so I'll just post it here. ()

……

……

【2024.04.08 12:17 PM】

Qingming has passed, and I only just remembered I still have these that haven't been posted.

If they weren't posted, so be it; they aren't exactly things to chase trends with anyway, just some fragmented thoughts.

I put in some effort last month, and the situation has improved slightly, but the circumstances remain grim.

Perhaps I shouldn't continue to hesitate; starting a new book alongside this one might provide an extra source of income.

Alright, I'll start stockpiling drafts from today.

……

……

【2024.04.09 17:42 PM】

I only wrote three hundred words for the new book yesterday.

Bahulun, what on earth are you doing!?

……

……

【2024.04.10 13:55 PM】

I didn't write a single word yesterday.

I even only wrote four thousand for the update.

……

……

【2024.04.14 19:20 PM】

I haven't been feeling well these past few days, and my updates haven't been very stable, though I have plenty of ideas in my head.

I've written many openings, but none have made any progress; adding in my previous essays, it all adds up to about thirty or forty thousand words.

I keep wanting to write strange things.

Currently, I have a few chaotic and unformed ideas:

One, Western fantasy, reborn as a native, or an Amber-style transmigrator, a lawful evil paladin, the kind who is white on the outside and black on the inside and stays black all the way through, a paladin on the surface, a chosen of an evil god in secret; I feel like that would be very fun.

Two, game world, Western fantasy setting, Amber-style, the kind of old schemer "Fourth Calamity" who backstabs gods for gold coins, starting as a Believer of an evil god.

The reason for choosing a Western fantasy setting for the two options above is because I like being able to write about monster girls, demi-human girls...

That's right, I just like them!

Let's see if I can return to my comfort zone.

Three, urban supernatural, the feeling of a conceptual god with hypnotic abilities; I smoothly churned out a two-thousand-word opening for this one day, but I haven't thought about the rest at all, fun.

Four, one day I suddenly wanted to write a farming story; the specific idea is "Whoever doesn't let me farm, I'll plant them into the ground." I feel like that would be very fun, but this idea is even more fragmented...

Before I knew it, I'd written fifteen hundred words of this stuff, I'll just post it for now. ()

If there's more in the future, I'll save up a few before posting again; the frequency won't be too high.