Chapter 340

The smiles on Lin Li's and Zhang Haoyang's faces froze instantly.

So, was this guy reading the instructions for an enema this afternoon?

If so, after reading them, he truly would have had an epiphany and been enlightened.

After all, as everyone knows, an enema is a type of eye drop, and at the same time, it can be considered karaoke.

—As long as you "kara" (struggle), once you use it, you'll be "ok."

Therefore, if a guy invites you to karaoke, it doesn't necessarily mean he's asking you to sing; he might be showing you his luminous watch, so you need to be cautious.

Lin Li and Zhang Haoyang both tacitly and slowly shifted their gazes behind Chen Tianming.

"Damn it, I've heard of people having a blockage in their hearts after a breakup, but how can someone have a blockage in their large intestine!! Lin Li, how do I comfort him? I really don't know how!!"

Zhang Haoyang watched for a while, and it truly left him at a loss. He lowered his voice and urgently sought help from Lin Li.

What kind of decent person uses an enema after a breakup? Are they sick?

"Useless thing."

Lin Li cursed in a low voice. Zhang Haoyang couldn't be relied upon, so it seemed he had to rely on himself.

Fortunately, he had always been very good at comforting others.

So, Lin Li reached out, patted Chen Tianming on the shoulder, and with a gentle smile on his face, said softly:

"Tianming, forget her. One day, she will leave your memories just like the poop you got rid of this afternoon after your epiphany. You will eventually give birth to new poop, just as you will eventually fill your heart with someone else you like.

Tomorrow's poop will be smoother, and you won't need an enema; tomorrow's girl will be more perfect, and you won't need to feel sad for her anymore."

Lin Li's expression was gentle, and his voice was gentle.

Zhang Haoyang's pupils shook: Holy crap, what a genius. Is this the charm of language? A poet!

Chen Tianming's pupils shook: Holy crap, what an asshole. Is this Lin Li's beastly nature? Is he even human?

Chen Tianming couldn't hold it in anymore. He slapped Lin Li's hand away in disgust and then laughed and cursed:

"What kind of nonsense is that? Cut it out. Don't worry, I was just joking when I said that to you guys to let you know I'm really fine. Who in our dorm would need that stuff? If I'm really constipated, I'll just go find Wang Ze."

"When I woke up today, I saw the message Qiaoqiao sent me, so I chatted with her for a while."

"I realized that I was indeed too impatient."

Chen Tianming was in the middle of reflecting when he suddenly noticed the strange expressions on Lin Li's and Zhang Haoyang's faces. After a moment of confusion, he reacted and lowered his voice to urgently refute:

"Wait a second! I didn't mean *that* kind of impatient!"

Damn, how many idioms are left in this world that can still be used normally?

Why are people's hearts so dirty in this world?

"Anyway, after we finished talking, I felt that it hadn't reached the point of despair yet. Everything still has a chance, so there's no need for me to be depressed or decadent. Thanks for your concern, guys. I'll treat you to a meal tonight. Thanks."

Once the two of them looked normal again, Chen Tianming continued.

Lin Li and Zhang Haoyang exchanged a look. Since he could say something like that, perhaps he really had returned to normal.

"So, what did you guys talk about at noon? Uh, and what happened last night? Can you tell us? If not, that's fine."

The three of them had already reached the hallway, so they could speak a bit louder. Lin Li asked curiously.

"There's nothing I can't say," Chen Tianming, who had regained his confidence, shrugged. "The short version is..."

"Don't give us the short version," Zhang Haoyang interrupted. "I was disgusted listening to Wang Ze analyze his successful confession frame by frame tonight. Since yours was a failure, I want to hear all the details."

—"If there's anything unhappy, tell us so we can be happy."

Chen Tianming: "..."

That's just how Class 4 of Grade 1 is.

If you're sad, everyone will truly comfort you, but once you get better, none of them can maintain a human form anymore.

"I really can't be bothered to talk to someone like you who takes pleasure in others' suffering," Lin Li shot Zhang Haoyang a look of extreme disdain, then hooked his arm around Chen Tianming's shoulder and shoved Zhang Haoyang aside with his hip: "Tianming, let's keep talking."

He was going to find the Class Monitor later, so he wouldn't be able to finish listening to the detailed version. Zhang Haoyang was truly selfish, a small fry.

After waiting for a little while, Lin Li felt a bit puzzled.

Why hadn't Bai Bufan attacked him yet?

Bai Bufan hadn't sent any messages in the "Three People and One Dog" group—the name had already been changed back—and he wasn't replying to private messages either.

"Lin Li: Wang Ze, this sci-fi novel is pretty good, I recommend reading it."

Wang Ze didn't reply either.

What are these two Bs doing now? Have they already started playing games?

They really don't care about their brother at all.

"Lin Li: Heh heh, class monitor, I've figured it out. You made a mistake, and now you're trying to move me so I won't dare to accept it!"

"She also said that, actually, I'm quite good..."

"Lin Li: But this trick is useless on me. Not only did I accept them, but I'm also going to top up my game with them."

Village, wait for me; I'm using my girlfriend's money to support you all.

This is his "Will of Fire"!

"Chen Yuying: Alright, go ahead and top up~"

~Miss Lin, the way your mouth curves upward is beautiful~

No wonder some people are willing to be "ducks" for rich old hags who sit on the ground and absorb the earth's energy. Holy shit, this is too satisfying.

And his is a young, beautiful, rich girl!

"Lin Li: Class monitor, you're going to make me float. Next time we meet, can you go to the kitchen and stir-fry two dishes for me?"

"Chen Yuying: 【Bear with hands on hips】"

"Chen Yuying: Students aren't allowed in the cafeteria kitchen. That doesn't seem possible."

The next time they meet is tomorrow, at school.

"Lin Li: The teacher's dormitory has a kitchen. We can find Old Jian and borrow his. If you ask, he will definitely agree."

"Chen Yuying: Don't push your luck 【Fist】"

"Lin Li: 【Bear with hands on hips】"

Chen Yuying is already his, so her sticker packs are naturally shared property. Stealing one isn't excessive.

"Chen Yuying: Are you busy now? If not, can I call you? I don't want to type, and I want to hear your voice."

Lin Li immediately sent a WeChat call.

Holy shit, only the most cold-hearted person in the world could see such a message and not take action.

"What are you doing right now?" The call was answered instantly, and Lin Li asked gently.

"I just put the flowers you gave me into a vase. I'll try to make them into dried flowers later; I want to preserve them. I hope they last a little longer. And now I'm lying in bed, waiting to talk to you."

Chen Yuying was indeed lying in bed; her speaking pace was slower than usual, and she sounded soft and sweet.

"No need to cherish them so much. There will be plenty of opportunities for me to give you more in the future. If you want, I can bring you another bouquet tomorrow, no problem." Lin Li was in the living room, lying on the sofa, stretching his legs onto the backrest, responding with a smile.

"No, no, it's just that this bouquet was given when you confessed, it's different."

Chen Yuying said quickly:

"I don't like flowers that much; I like you. I only like that bouquet because you gave it to me."

Lin Li: o_o.

Baby, I didn't even use a basic attack, and you're throwing your ultimate move directly?

Ten thousand critical hits! Ten thousand critical hits!

"Baby, my heart isn't good. If you do this, I might just drop dead from excitement." After enjoying himself in his heart for a while, Lin Li spoke.

On the other end of the phone, only the girl's light "lue lue lue" sound came through.

It seemed she had no intention of repenting.

Very good, that's exactly what he wanted—no repentance.

If she really repented, Lin Li would have to be stern with Chen Yuying.

"So, class monitor, should we change to couple avatars or something? I'll listen to you." Remembering the question Bai Bufan asked earlier, Lin Li switched the topic.

Some people value this sense of ritual extremely highly; never mind QQ or WeChat, they even use couple avatars on NetEase Cloud, TikTok, Tantan, and Momo.

"Hmm... I'll look for some that are very subtle. If there aren't any, then we won't change."

But Chen Yuying wasn't one of them. She knew the downsides of doing that, and she didn't value it that much, so she answered with a casual tone.

"Alright. But I think we already have couple items, right? Class monitor, there's a question I've wanted to ask you for a long time: is the bracelet you gave me a couple's item? Do you have one on your hand too?"

Lin Li shook his wrist—one of his birthday gifts—and it made a crisp sound, which was transmitted to the other side.

The question that wasn't appropriate to expose before could finally be asked without restraint.

"Lin Li, look at your messages." Chen Yuying didn't answer directly.

Upon hearing this, Lin Li reopened WeChat. Chen Yuying had sent him a picture.

He clicked on it; it was a small bear doll also lying in bed.

Lin Li zoomed in on the picture to check the corners; the room was decorated in a very girly style, but unfortunately, he couldn't find any legs that had accidentally entered the frame.

Only then did Lin Li look at the bear. It was very similar to the one in his bedroom, except the one in the picture was white and had a bow on its head; it was clearly a female bear.

"Actually, even the bears are a couple's set," Chen Yuying's voice came through with a hint of pride and slyness:

"The bracelet barely counts—because at that time, I felt it couldn't be too obvious. The one I got for myself is just similar. Lin Li, let's go pick out a real pair another day."

"Alright—"

Lin Li drew out the tone, remembered the day of his birthday, and said with a smile:

"Class monitor, do you know that when you pulled me close by the car that day, I thought you were going to kiss me? I had even thought of our future children's names, but it turned out you were telling me the secret of the gift. I was happy and disappointed at the same time."

"Pfft—who would kiss you..." Chen Yuying said with a small disdain, then spoke with some shyness: "So, what names did you think of for the children?"

"You want to hear?" Lin Li was suddenly a bit excited.

Chen Yuying on the other end of the phone frowned slightly.

Why did she have a bad premonition?

"I think I don't want to hear it anymore..." Chen Yuying said weakly.

"Too late," Lin Li didn't give her a chance: "Haha! I've long wanted to tell you the earth-shattering, wise names I came up with!"

"I even arranged for both genders. Baby, if it's a boy, I hope he can protect you in the future, so I'll call him Lin Shouying (Protect Ying). If it's a girl, she can just protect herself, so I plan to call her Lin Ziwei (Self-Defense)!

How about that? The meaning is perfect, and it's not easy to have the same name. At least I haven't seen anyone with these names in reality yet!"

After finishing, Lin Li waited expectantly for praise. "..."

"..."

However, there was a long silence on the other end of the phone. What followed wasn't praise, but a personal attack on Lin Li: "Super big pervert..."

For a moment, Chen Yuying even felt she couldn't look at the character "Ying" in her own name directly.

Sigh, Chen Yuying suddenly felt a bit worried.

When she wasn't dating Lin Li, he was already perverted enough. Now that they are dating, what should she do?

Will he be unscrupulous with her?

It's over.

"Are these two names not good? This is the result of my painstaking efforts." Lin Li was a bit disappointed; his hard work hadn't been recognized.

"They are absolutely not!"

"Then I'll think of some more."

"You are not allowed to think anymore. Lin Li, I am depriving you of your naming rights."

"On what grounds!"

"On the grounds that I just got scammed out of nine thousand yuan by you," Chen Yuying laughed.

Damn, taking someone's money makes one's mouth soft.

Sigh, I wonder if the class monitor's mouth is soft.

"Alright then, what names do you think..."

On the first night of being together, there are always countless things to talk about. Many words that were too shy to say because others were listening are finally being spoken now.

Past ambiguous actions have now become great conversation topics, making both parties feel happy.

Ah, a refreshing tax evasion.

Ding.

"Wu Min has invited you to a voice call."

"My mom is calling me." The phone placed to the side lit up. Seeing the message, Lin Li raised an eyebrow.

"Hmm? What's wrong? Does your mom have something to do with you?" Upon hearing this, Chen Yuying paused the current topic. Having spoken too much and feeling slightly thirsty, she got up to find water, asking curiously at the same time.

"No, it's just the weekly routine chat. My mom probably knows I'm already on a call, so she'll cancel it immediately." Lin Li was indifferent.

"Then you should reply to your mom first," Chen Yuying nodded, "I'm tired of talking anyway, I'm going to take off my makeup and take a shower."

"That works too. Should I call you later?"

Chen Yuying wasn't the type to say insincere things. If she said to reply first, she meant it, so Lin Li nodded.

"Alright, let's talk later."

Hanging up the phone, Lin Li called Wu Min.

Women lining up to chat with him—perhaps this is his charm.

It seems he needs to learn time management from Show Lo.

"Lin Li, finished playing your game?" Wu Min yawned as soon as she answered the phone, asking casually.

—It wasn't that such scenes hadn't happened before, but it was basically because Lin Li was playing games with his friends, and Wu Min subconsciously assumed it was the same this time.

So after hanging up the phone just now, Wu Min didn't even ask on WeChat what Lin Li was doing.

"I guess so." Lin Li chuckled.

Regardless of whether she is open-minded or not, there's really no need to say it for now. It's just that Lin Li's tail was held high, and he soon couldn't help but ask proactively:

"Mom, do you want a grandson?"

Mom, Lin Shouying and Lin Ziwei are waiting for you.

In the future, you can choose whether you want to be Grandma Shouying or Grandma Ziwei.

Taking these two kids out, when introducing yourself, "auv," it'll be so prestigious!

"No," however, what greeted Lin Li was Wu Min's extremely disgusted voice, "Grandson? I don't even want a son anymore, let alone a grandson? Don't come here."

Lin Li: "(; o_o)?"

Eh, no?

You don't want a grandson, fine, but you can't not want a son.

My mom, her words are really hurtful.

"Mom, what you said is a bit hurtful."

"Cut the crap. Why are you asking this suddenly? What, are you pregnant? Or are you going to raise a pet?" Wu Min asked, a vague sense of unease in her heart.

"I was pregnant, but after hearing your cold words just now, I've already miscarried," Lin Li said sadly.

"Great."

Although she didn't know what kind of crazy idea Lin Li had this time, for Wu Min, this "miscarriage" was good news, and she let out a long sigh of relief.

"Mom, you are truly a cold and heartless person. You've completely broken my heart. In the future, when you want to hold a child, let's see what you do!" Lin Li was extremely angry.

"I'll go be a nanny or a babysitter. You don't need to worry about that, Lin Li." The threat was ineffective; Wu Min just sneered.

Lin Li: "..."

Holding other people's children?

Bad nannies are like that.

Holy shit! Lin Li now has reason to suspect that he is actually the child of a billionaire and was swapped by Wu Min!

It all matches up, it all matches up!

Who stole my life!!

"If you want an abortion fee, just say it, don't dilly-dally," Wu Min began her bizarre descriptions.

"Sister Min, why do you think I have something to do with you just for money?"

Lin Li's self-esteem was hit:

"I'm really fed up with you as a mother. Just right, I'm an adult now, I've decided, from today on, I'm going to live alone forever!"

"Yo," Wu Min's voice was calm, only teasing: "Your wings are that stiff? What, where are you planning to live? Have you found a place? How much is the rent? Mom will help you see if it's worth it."

"Rent a place?" Lin Li was puzzled now. "Why rent a place?"

"Then how are you going to live alone?"

"Mom, I already went to your room just now, packed all your things, and threw them outside the door. Take them when you have time. I won't be responsible if it's late, and if the garbage collectors take them away, you're on your own," Lin Li said calmly.

Wu Min: "..."

Eh, no.

So wanting to live alone forever didn't mean moving out to rent or buy a house, but to kick his old mother out forever?

Such remarks would have been punished by being drowned in a pig cage in ancient times, but coming from his own son, it was normal.

"Lin Li, you better prepare some safflower oil and bruise medicine. It'll be useful when I come back in two weeks." Since Lin Li was showing his "filial piety," Wu Min decided to show her "maternal love."

"Mom, what's wrong? Are you hurt?" Lin Li asked, knowing the answer.

"Yes, Mom's hand might be beaten swollen by then," Wu Min said lightly.

Lin Li laughed for a while, then asked: "Sister Min, you usually only come home on holidays, why are you suddenly coming back in two weeks? Did the company give you time off or something?"

"Aren't you having a parent-teacher meeting? I have to ask for leave to attend," Wu Min didn't hide it.

"Parent-teacher meeting? When? Have they notified you?" Lin Li was stunned, then curious.

Xue Jian had indeed said before the midterm exams that there would be a parent-teacher meeting after the midterms, but it hadn't been mentioned at all in last week's class meeting, so he thought that was off the table.

"Hmm, it's set for the week after next, probably on a Friday," Wu Min nodded, "They said they want to talk to us about your elective exams, academic exams, and class placement considerations...